LynnNChicago More Bullying News /Housewives Updates Wed Oct 27, 2010
Bullying seems to be the hot topic right now all over the internet. Jill Zarin took a lot of heat for turning this entire crisis into her attempt to get people to stop criticizing her. Jill either got a scolding from her publicist or realized how ridiculous she sounded all on her own but she's backing off her original take on the subject. Our little Jill may be growing up.
Yesterday I wrote a blog criticizing Jill Zarin for her selfish behavior and trying to turn this horrible tragic problem into her own personal opportunity to get sympathy for being called out on her own horrible behavior and even bullying of Bethenny Frankel on The Real Housewives of New York last season.
I felt the need to follow up due to Jill's change of heart in how she is responding to this issue.
Finally seeming to realize what this is all about, Jill released her very own story, you can read it here:
I love that it is on a site that says, "Hollywood only smaller stars". (snicker)
I have to give Jill Zarin kudos for admitting to having been bullied in school, sharing her story and advocating that parents get involved when children are being bullied.
It's interesting because back in the days as Jill was growing up, many parents felt that getting involved was the worst thing that they could do. Generally many parents thought that not only did they need to force their children to stand up for themselves but also were concerned that their interference could actually make it worse for their child when they were once again alone on the playground. Parents knew that they could not protect their child forever or in every situation and thought trial by fire was necessary.
This old fashioned theory may have made some sense at the time, it is hard to really know what the results were of this way of thinking.
Jill describes her first experience at being bullied in first or second grade and she recalls children throwing rocks at her. We don't get many details from Jill on this incident but typically first or second graders are very rarely alone without adult supervision. That being said I can certainly see why something like this would be engraved in her brain, a six-year old having the other kids throwing rocks at them could be traumatic.
We get a bit more detail on her second description of being bullied but I still think that there must be some missing information. Jill describes two girls who emotionally bullied her by repeatedly calling her house and hanging up. She goes on to say that the only thing that finally put an end to the calls was being separated from these girls in different class. Typically bullies aren't happy unless they're getting some reaction and while the calling/hanging up thing may have been fun for the bullies for a bit, I would imagine they'd get tired of it fairly quickly. I think there may be much more to this story but there is no point in speculating, Jill has chosen to keep some of the details to herself and that is her option.
Jill did tell us that things improved for her when she got involved in figure skating as it gave her added confidence to deal with whatever was thrown her way. Jill added that she made no friends through figure skating which I found extremely odd. In any case, this is another really great suggestion for parents of bullying victims as Jill explains extracurricular activities are an outstanding way for children to not only gain confidence but team sports can also allow children to feel as though they belong.
I completely respect Jill for trying to correct her wrong and put this information out there for people to read. I hope that her fanatical, insane, over-the-top supporters will understand what Jill's doing in providing this information. She's righting a wrong, she realized that she had made this very real issue into something selfish and personal and so she is reaching out with her own personal story in the only way that she can relate.
Jill knows that she would be foolish to try to relate any of her own life experiences to that of young gay people who are being terrorized so she did the next best thing and she took her own experiences and is encouraging parents to get involved. This is a good message to parents. With so many working parents who may be really busy, it never hurts to remind them that parents need to really pay attention to subtle changes in their children's behavior or demeanor that could result from being bullied at school. Parents can't always stay out of it in hopes that their child will learn to fight their own battles or out of concern that things will get worse for their child if they try to intervene, parents have got to get involved.
Jill's message is a good one and I hope that she'll continue to try to do the right thing, if she must relate absolutely everything back to herself, I hope that she at least tries to use it to help others and to give solid advice as she has done here. She does lose a few points for the photograph of herself holding up her damn book, but at least she didn't tell parents that the key to solving the bullying problem is in the book.
There were rumors last year that Jill was unpopular in school, had no friends and had trouble getting along with others while growing up. That is not something that I would wish on anyone. Whenever I hear of someone who was not invited to their prom or had no friends in school it breaks my heart, truly. It makes me want to go back to high school and seek out those kids and be-friend them, but unfortunately wisdom comes with age and while I never bullied anyone, I did have my own group of friends and boyfriend's going through school without much thought about anyone outside my group who may not have had any friends. It wasn't something that we thought about or was brought to our attention. Luckily bullying wasn't a part of my childhood or teen years at all, if it went on in my school, I wasn't aware of it. It isn't something that kids think about if it isn't a part of their lives.
Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, I still cannot stand Jill Zarin, I continue to remember all of the hateful, horrible things that she did on The Real Housewives of New York. As far back as I can remember on this show, Jill has been vicious and mean.
Who remembers when Simon VanKempen gave a quote to the newspapers saying, "Jill is from Long Island and it shows". A little dig? Maybe but not vicious, I've never been to Long Island, is that a bad place to be associated with? I doubt it!
Jill's response was quick and vicious, she didn't just dig a little bit back, she came all out and attacked like a wild woman. Her quote talked about Simon drinking excessively and just as Alex explained at the reunion, Jill doesn't just give tit for tat, she attacks people's livelihood and families with hurtful and mean intent.
Jill screeching at the reunion to Alex about her nude photos, "spread eagle in the hallway of your husband's hotel" was a clear attempt at hurting not only Alex but Simon's career. This follows suit with Jill's most recent suggestion that she wants to start calling people's employers if they're mean to her on Twitter. This woman is just mean but maybe, Jill's most recent disclosure about her childhood could be one of the reasons why she's such a cruel woman. It would also explain why she befriends "the underdog" or people who she feels that she can help in some way. This gives her control, makes her the popular one and provides a marker for her to collect later on ensuring that people won't leave her and she won't be alone the way she was back in school. It would help her to feel in control and in a way she's buying friendships.
In the case of Bethenny, this didn't work for Jill because Bethenny became bigger and more popular than Jill, she's also extremely strong willed and wasn't going to be controlled by Jill. They did seem to genuinely care about one another, unfortunately Jill's brand of friendship and the fact that it comes with a price tag didn't allow Bethenny to continue with the relationship.
Is Jill Zarin a bully? She can be, we've seen her bully Alex, Simon, Ramona and even Bethenny. Do people on the Social Networks bully Zarin? I don't think so, I think they give their opinion of her behavior, they don't like her and they tell her why. Jill is a public figure, she put herself on television and must take the good with the bad. She has fans and she has people who simply do not like her. Television is driven by popularity, in Zarin's case apparently Bravo felt that there were enough people who love to hate her to warrant her continuing to be a member of the cast.
I just hope that Jill learned some things from last season and is trying to be a better person as she claims. The reunion show did nothing to improve her image as her apologies seemed insincere and in the end she attacked Alex showing viewers that nothing had changed. Her final ultimatum to Bravo stating that she wouldn't be able to do the show if Alex was returning showed that she still had no qualms about hurting people's careers for no reason.
Had Jill acted differently at the reunion, had she given sincere apologies, had she not attacked Alex and threatened to leave the show if Alex returned, Jill might have had a fighting chance to regain Bethenny's friendship. If Jill had shown real signs of changing at that reunion, things may have been different today. Bethenny is smart and while she watched and listened as Jill claimed to have changed and apologized to Bethenny, Bethenny also watched Jill attack Alex proving to everyone that no change was evident.
My message to Jill Zarin: I think you still have an opportunity to do the right thing, I think you can change if you really truly try. I think as you film this season of The Real Housewives of New York you should really try to be kind to your cast mates, support and encourage them, and when it is appropriate, fade into the background and let them have the spotlight. As you interview with Bravo producers imagine that your cast mates are sitting right in front of you and be sure that what you say on camera, you're also willing to say to their faces. You will be surprised at how quickly you can gain back fans who've left you in droves last season.
It is easy to say that you've changed but actions speak louder than words.
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Until Next Time...
